value

Where does value come from? As humans? Unfortunately for us Americans there is little value to be had when grocery shopping these days.

When I think of the value of others, especially friends the scope is so wide. Friendships have a huge value, and depending on the person can bring a lot of love, joy, precious memories, to name just a few.

Unfortunately for me when I think of value for myself, I find very little. It of course from my disfunctional family, neglect, emotional abuse etc. I’m so used to being ignored and invalidated that I don’t find very much I like about myself. And I was taught my value is in what I do, not who I am.

I’m re learning everything and trying to re parent myself. It is so difficult. I try to imagine a cog in a big machine, or in a clock tower. It takes a lot of effort to stop, and then moving in the opposite direction.

Also, starting new patterns, which is something I’ve been slowly doing. I have a bad habit of letting daily chores pile up until it takes me days to get back on track. Self care takes many forms, physical, emotional, spiritual, etc

from brushing my teeth, which I only just started brushing twice a day. Changing sheets, laundry, basic needs. This is also me in my other needs, I neglect myself, seemingly because I don’t feel worth it.

Again I see the value in others and don’t mind helping others out. (Being a codependent).

Every night before bed all I ever do is scroll my phone, getting lost in social media. But tonight I am typing this, so that is progress. One small step is the right direction, it’s not holding still.