All Our Needs

And my God shall supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory…
–Phil. 4:19

This verse has helped me many times. It has helped me when I have wondered where my next friend bit of wisdom, insight, or meal was coming from.

Everything I need today shall be supplied to me.

People, jobs, what we have to our immediate disposal, are not our source.

We have tapped into a Greater Source, a source of infinite and immediate supply: God and His Universe.

Our task is to allow ourselves to come into harmony with our Source. Our task is to believe in, and look to, our true Source. Our task is to release fear; negative thinking, limitations, and short supply thinking.

Everything we need shall be provided to us. Let it become a natural response to all situations, and all situations of need.

Reject fear. Reject short supply and limited thinking notions. Be open to abundance.

Cherish need because it is part of our relationship to God and His Universe. God has planned to meet our every need, has created the need within us, so God can supply.

No need is too small or too great. If we care and value our need, God will too.

Our part is taking responsibility for owning the need. Our part is giving the need to the Universe. Our part is letting go, in faith. Our part is giving God permission to meet our needs by believing we deserve to have our needs – and wants – met.

Our part is healthy giving, not out of caretaking, guilt, obligation, and codependency, but out of a healthy relationship with ourselves, God, and all of God’s creations.

Our part is simply to be who we are, and love being that.

Today, I will practice the belief that all my needs today shall be met. I will step into harmony with God and His Universe, knowing that I count.

easy does it

Relax enough to face reality when life twists and turns.

Sometimes in life, no matter how deeply we intend to make the best decisions possible for ourselves, things happen. Marriages end, jobs turn sour, friends wane. For reasons outside our control or understanding, the
situation twists and turns into something other than what we bargained for.

Have you been waiting for a situation to revert to what it originally was – or what you hoped it would be when you got in? Are you telling yourself that there’s something wrong with you, when the reality is, the situation has changed into something other than what you thought it was? Things often don’t go as smoothly as we planned. Sometimes, we need to endure and get through the rough spots. But I’m talking about those grindingly difficult moments when life suddenly twists on us.

These are the times we need to quit torturing ourselves. Let go of what you thought would happen. If life has twisted on you, don’t turn on yourself. Don’t try to make things be the way they were. Come up to speed. Return to now. Let yourself accept the new situation at hand.

The road isn’t always a straight course. Sometimes, even a path with heart unexpectedly twists and turns.

God, help me relax and trust my self enough to deal with reality, not my fantasy of what I hoped it would be

earning

So the last couple posts have dug into me, and I’m realizing; I have been trying to earn love, trying to earn this place in life by what I do. It’s something I’ve known but hadn’t quite absorbed completely. All the list of things that we do to cover the pain, compulsive (fill in the blank); people pleasing especially.

I’ve receieved nothing but rejection, especially from my parents. Nothing I did was ever good enough. Of course my grades weren’t good enough, I was a below average student. I was never thin enough, that started when I was in Junior High. I could never cook or clean enough. Never enough laundry. Never enough whatever. But I’ve been trying, trying, trying, desperately trying to earn my parents love. It’s never happened, and I know it never will. This isn’t defeat, its surrender.

I have spent my life not only trying to earn my parents love, but also earn love for myself. I’ve been trying to like myself through what I do, or don’t do. My life pattern history is trying to do this and that so I can love myself. Trying to be smarter, trying to be more outgoing, trying to do better in life, especially with school, jobs, people, money, family, friends. Trying, trying, trying until I’m so worn out that I can barely function because I’m frustrated, angry and ultimiately, I’m alone. I’m trying to leave myself, I’m trying to be someone else so I can love myself.

There’s nothing I can do to earn God’s love. The very fact that I’m living shows that God loves me. Every time I choose to take care of myself I show God that I love Him. Even when I make a mistake, God loves me. Every time I’m selfish, God loves me. Every time I say no to God, He still loves me. There’s nothing I can do to earn it, and nothing I can do to lose it. He knows everything about me, the good, the bad, and the ugly. When I was at my absolute worst, He loved me. When I’m at my best, He loves me the same.

In Al-Anon we learn; we can only change ourselves. We need to take care of ourselves. Just like when we are on a plane they tell us if the oxygen masks come down, put on our masks first so we can help another put on their masks. If we can’t breathe, how can we help someone else breathe? The same goes for love. If I don’t love myself, how can I possibly help another human being love themselves? It’s just not possible. We can’t give away what we don’t have. This isn’t defeat, its a blessing. Its surrender. This brings peace, not shame. Yes, the best thing I can do for myself, that I can do for others, that I can do for God is just relax. He’s taking care of everything and everyone, not me. Thankfully. I have limited power. God has all the power. I’ll let Him.

Stopping Our Pain

Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn.
–Beyond Codependency

There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings, sometimes from early
childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.

There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.

There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.

There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.

We have many choices about how to stop this pain. We may have experimented with different options.  Compulsive and addictive behaviors stop pain – temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.

We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.

We may use religion to avoid our feelings. We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.

We may stay so busy that we don’t have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.

We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band Aids – temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem. They did not really stop our pain; they postponed it.

In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power’s help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move forward – into a new decision, a better life.

We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain, if that’s appropriate. We can make a decision to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.

If we are being pelted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.

It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored, and stacked within.

It will only hurt for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that if we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful
feelings that are a good part of recovery.

Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side.

Today, I am open and willing to feel what I need to feel. I am willing to stop my compulsive behaviors. I am willing to let go of my denial. I am willing to feel what I need to feel to be healed, healthy, and whole.

we are not beyond help

Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.” But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.Psalm 3:2-3

We receive messages about ourselves from the important people in our lives. We internalize these messages and carry them with us, repeating them to ourselves as if they were gospel truth. When the messages are shaming messages then the internal chorus chants “You are not lovable. You are beyond repair. Even God cannot help you.”

This chorus is a chorus of lies. The psalmist rejects these lies. And we need to begin to reject these lies as well.

The Lord is a “shield around me”, the psalmist says. A shield protects. It comes between the blows of an enemy and a person’s vulnerable places. Most shields are small and can only protect a limited area from
attack. But the shield which the Lord provides completely surrounds us. We can let this shield protect us from these attacking messages.

The psalmist also says that the Lord “bestows glory on me and lifts up my head”. Heavy burdens of shame, neglect and abuse have bowed our heads. The Lord listens, pays attention and cares about us. God’s love counters the voices of our internal shame-chorus so that we can lift our heads. God replaces our shame with glory. It is a picture of a ragged, neglected child whose head is bowed and shoulders are bent. A king sees the child and goes to him. The king gently lifts the child’s chin until his eyes meet his own smiling eyes. He asks the child to come home and live as royalty with him. The child is loved, honored, protected. You are the child. God lifts your head and bestows glory.

God help me to stop listening to lies about you.
Help me to stop listening to lies about me.
Be a shield around me.
Bestow glory.
Lift up my head.
Amen.

God carries us through

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.Isaiah 43:2

There are times in the recovery process when it feels like we will drown in sorrow. The losses, the betrayals, the failures threaten to overwhelm us. The intensity of the emotional pain frightens us in times like this.
We feel ourselves loosing ground as life swirls around us.

This text states with great clarity two central truths which are critical to our survival in times like this. First, God has made a very specific promise to us. God says “I will be with you.” This may not always be what we want. We may want God to take the floods of life away. We may want God to build dams upstream in life so that the danger of flood is diminished.

But, God’s promise is clear. I will be with you.

Secondly, this text says very clearly “When you pass through the waters, they will not sweep over you.” God will protect us and see us through. There are times in recovery when there just doesn’t seem to be any way to make it. Nothing is more painful in these times than to have someone who stands at a distance express optimism about our recovery in a way that minimizes the struggle. ["Oh, you're going to be fine. Stop worrying about it."]

Conversely, nothing is more valuable in these times than to have someone with us who sees the danger clearly but who is able to be hopeful for us and protect us and see us through.

For your promise to be with me in the floods of life, God,
I give you thanks.
Help me to sense your presence.
For your hopefulness about my recovery,
I give you thanks.
Help me to share in your hope.
You are Life-Preserver to me, God.
Thank you.
Amen.

being transformed

I am faith filled and fear free because I am being transformed from the inside out.

 

Here is a prayer of faith.

          I now call the activity of the Holy Spirit into every cell, every tissue, every organ in my being. I invite the Holy Spirit to lovingly transform every energy, every belief, every idea, every understanding, every expectation, every judgment, every motivation and every behavior, bringing them into alignment with the perfect will of God, so that I may take the next step toward the divine plan for my life.

          I now call the activity of the Holy Spirit into every cell, every tissue, every organ in my being. I invite the Holy Spirit to lovingly transform every energy, every belief, every idea, every understanding, every decision, every expectation, every judgment, every motivation and every behavior, bringing them into alignment with the perfect peace of God, so that I may take the next step toward the divine plan for my life.

          I now call the activity of the Holy Spirit into every cell, every issue, every organ in my being. I invite the Holy Spirit to lovingly transform every energy, every belief, every idea, every understanding, every decision, every expectation, every judgment, every motivation and every behavior, bringing them into alignment with the perfect love of God, so that I may take the next step toward the divine plan for my life. For all I have is received and all that is yet to come, I am so very grateful! And so it is!

          Until today, you may not have known how to move your life to the next level. Just for today, put faith and confidence into your prayers.

 

          Today I am devoted to allowing the Holy Spirit to guide me into the next step of my personal growth and spiritual development!

powerless and unmanagable

So I’m learning what true powerlessness and loss of control over my life is today. I can feel it down to my bones. It’s happening to me right now. My auto-pilot came on and I’m becoming a robot. Old patterns don’t die just because I want them to. I want it to but I feel the urgency to continue old patterns. Don’t think for myself. Don’t question. Just go. Go.

Detach with love. Its easy to think about, hard to put in practice. The pull that people have over me still makes me angry. I want to tell them off. I want to yell and scream. GET A LIFE OF YOUR OWN! LEAVE ME ALONE! It’s not that I don’t want to be around them, but I want to get off of this auto pilot. I want the option of choice. Not from anyone else, but within me. Just because I’ve done things in the past doesn’t mean I have to do it today.

I was feeling very peaceful this morning. Very peaceful. Then just like an oven timer. DING! Auto pilot comes on. I get ansty and annoyed. My mind starts to race and my heart shuts down.

God gives us, gives me free will. He gives me the ability to walk my own way if I so desire. God hears our no and says OK. I wish you wouldn’t but its okay. I still love you and never will stop hoping you’ll say yes. People… definitely DON’T. Especially sick people. I definitely know who and what sick people do because I am one of them. Only a sick person would continiously do something for someone else that they don’t really don’t want to do. And I don’t even know what it is I WANT to do. That’s the saddest part.

Sigh. Surrender the feelings and the actions will come…

God knocks

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me. Rev. 3:20

Some people enter without knocking. It happens. Our boundaries have not always been respected. As a result, we have built some significant defenses. Our doors have multiple locks. When needed, they can be latched, barred, bolted, double bolted and sealed securely. 

As we begin the healing process, however, we begin to experiment with allowing our defenses to come down. We unlatch one lock at a time. 

Nothing is more helpful in this process than having people who respect our boundaries – people who will knock and wait patiently for an answer. So, this picture of Jesus is full of good news for us. Jesus stands at the door and knocks. It is pure invitation. God does not invade. God does not demand. God does not manipulate. God gently, persistently knocks. God says ‘here I am, I would like to spend time with you’.

Recovery is a process of learning to trust God. Trust grows slowly. We can’t do that all at once. But perhaps today we can listen carefully for a knock. Tomorrow we may be able to manage a “who is there?”. And, with persistence, we will some day sit at table with God and enjoy God’s loving presence.

Lord, thank you for knocking.
Thank you for respecting my boundaries.
And, thank you for knocking persistently.
It takes me a while to respond
because my doors have so many latches.
Give me courage this day
to open the doors of my life to you.
Amen.

acceptance

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life —unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.

-aa big book page 417