gratitude

Celebrate your life and hear your spirit sing.
– Elisabeth L.

“What’s to celebrate?” some people ask. We all get our fill of the cynics. Their negativity can weigh down our spirits. But we don’t have to let them control how we see our lives or theirs. To keep our own perceptions positive, it helps to detach from the naysayers. We will improve our chances if we consciously focus on gratitude for even the tiny blessings rather than on whatever might be wrong.

Becoming grateful is the strongest, safest means of feeling good now that we are abstinent. Not only does it readily alter our mood, but it changes our perspective on every detail of our lives. To be thankful rather than “thankless” is a small price to pay for unqualified happiness coupled with serenity.

We’ve all known people who radiate a singing spirit. They love life, themselves, and others. We seek out their company. We can be like those people for the travelers sharing our journey. Let’s do it!

I will practice gratitude today and be a blessing in everyone’s life.

Self Value

We have a real life of our own. Yes, we do.

That empty feeling, that senses that everyone except us has a life – an important life, a valuable life, a better life – is a remnant from the past. It is also a self-defeating belief that is inaccurate.

We are real. So is our life. Jump into it, and we’ll see.

Today, I will live my life and treasure it as mine.

Self-approval

Most of us want to be liked. We want other people to think of us as nice, friendly, kind, and loving. Most of us want the approval of others.

Since childhood, some of us have been trying to get approval, trying to get people to like us and think highly of us. We may be afraid people will leave us if they disapprove of our actions. We may look for approval from people who have none to give. We may not know that we’re lovable now and can learn to approve of ourselves.

In order to live happily, to live consistently with the way our Higher Power wants us to live, and to tap into a way of life that is in harmony with the universe, we need to let go of our extreme need for approval. These unmet needs for approval and love from our past give others control over us today.  These needs can prevent us from acting in our best interest and being true to ourselves.

We can approve of ourselves. In the end, that’s the only approval that counts.

Today, I will let go of my need for approval and my need to be liked. I will replace them with a need to like and approve of myself. I will enjoy the surprise I find when I do this. The people who count, including myself, will respect me when I am true to myself.

we are valued

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they?Matthew 6:26

Many of us learn early in life that we need to earn our sense of value. For some, value was earned by entertaining people with our clowning acts. For others, value came from taking care of everyone else. And for others, value was derived from achieving success of some kind. But often there is no way to entertain enough, take care enough or achieve enough to meet our needs for approval. No matter how compulsively we entertain, or care or work, we still are not able to feel valued. These substitutes do not meet the deepest longings of our heart. In addition we run the risk of becoming compulsively attached to these substitutes because we fear that the sense of value which they offer is our only hope of finding peace.

The longing to experience ourselves as valued is a fundamental human need. The need is really a need to be heard, seen, enjoyed and loved by others for who we are rather than for what we do. No amount of earned approval can meet this need. We long to know that we have value simply because we exist. This kind of value cannot be earned, it must be received as a gift.

Jesus says to us “you are valuable. Simply because you are, you are valuable”. The birds of the air are God’s creatures. God sees them and cares for them. God made them and God enjoys them. They are valuable. You,
too, are God’s creation, made and known by God. God sees you and cares for you. You are of great value.

As we grow in our awareness that our true value is a gift already given to us by God, we can begin to let go of the tight hold we have on our substitute strategies for achieving worth.

Father, you know how attached
I have become to earning my sense of value.
But, I can never seem to work hard enough.
Thank you, Creator God,
for valuing the birds of the air.
Thank you, Creator God,
for valuing me.
Help me to receive this good gift from you.
Help me to see myself as valuable in your eyes.
Amen

powerless and unmanagable

So I’m learning what true powerlessness and loss of control over my life is today. I can feel it down to my bones. It’s happening to me right now. My auto-pilot came on and I’m becoming a robot. Old patterns don’t die just because I want them to. I want it to but I feel the urgency to continue old patterns. Don’t think for myself. Don’t question. Just go. Go.

Detach with love. Its easy to think about, hard to put in practice. The pull that people have over me still makes me angry. I want to tell them off. I want to yell and scream. GET A LIFE OF YOUR OWN! LEAVE ME ALONE! It’s not that I don’t want to be around them, but I want to get off of this auto pilot. I want the option of choice. Not from anyone else, but within me. Just because I’ve done things in the past doesn’t mean I have to do it today.

I was feeling very peaceful this morning. Very peaceful. Then just like an oven timer. DING! Auto pilot comes on. I get ansty and annoyed. My mind starts to race and my heart shuts down.

God gives us, gives me free will. He gives me the ability to walk my own way if I so desire. God hears our no and says OK. I wish you wouldn’t but its okay. I still love you and never will stop hoping you’ll say yes. People… definitely DON’T. Especially sick people. I definitely know who and what sick people do because I am one of them. Only a sick person would continiously do something for someone else that they don’t really don’t want to do. And I don’t even know what it is I WANT to do. That’s the saddest part.

Sigh. Surrender the feelings and the actions will come…

Receiving

Here is an exercise.

Today let someone give to you. Let someone do something nice for you. Let someone give you a compliment or tell you something good about yourself. Let someone help you.

Then, stand there and take it. Take it in. Feel it. Know that you are worthy and deserving. Do not apologize. Do not say, “You shouldn’t have.” Do you feel guilty, afraid, ashamed, and panicky? Do not immediately try to give something back.

Just say, “Thank you.”

Today, I will let myself receive one thing from someone else, and I will let myself be comfortable with that.

progress

I never realized how much I blame myself for the misery that surrounds me in my friends & family. I was just cleaning out the ice cube dispenser in the freezer and the thought hit me, “I am NOT going to blame myself anymore for the pain of my life and the life of others”. The 3 C’s that I’m learning in al-anon, “I didnt CAUSE it, I can’t CONTROL it and I can’t CURE it“. I can be the cause of my OWN pain, but I can control it by working the program, talking to my sponsor, getting involved in service. There is no cure, but as long as I keep going, it will be lessened.

I think one of the worst things that can happen to us is humans is to be a people-pleaser. To base our happiness and contentment in life purely based on the happiness & the acceptance of others. What an GOD AWFUL way to live. I say this because I have been one for so long. I’ve blamed myself for all the misery of everyone, and I have felt nothing but a complete, and total FAILURE. Not an exaggeration, not speaking in self pity, but in truth. I have been a people pleaser, and I’ve felt nothing but useless and a failure in my life. I constantly beat myself up for “falling short”, for not being more like other people, for not being (financially) successful. For this for that, the list goes on and on.

Am I a disappointment to God? Does He hang His head in shame because of me, the mistakes I’ve made, my flaws, my shortcomings, does He ever regret making me or everything He’s done in my life?! NO!!!!!!! No, no, I say again…..NO!!!!!! God does NOT expect miracles from me. He accepts me and loves me JUST AS I AM TODAY. My sponsor told me yesterday, while nearly having a panic attack over going to work, “i love you and all your imperfections”. I told her she was weird, she laughed and didn’t take it back. God never takes it back. GOD LOVES ME, AND EVERYONE AND OUR IMPERFECTIONS. The sooner I take that to heart, the less painful every day life will be.

Letting Go of Old Beliefs

Try harder. Do better. Be perfect.

These messages are tricks that people have played on us. No matter how hard we try, we think we have to do better. Perfection always eludes us and keeps us unhappy with the good we’ve done.

Messages of perfectionism are tricks because we can never achieve their goal. We cannot feel good about ourselves or what we have done while these messages are driving us. We will never be good enough until we change the messages and tell ourselves we are good enough now.

We can start approving of and accepting ourselves. Who we are is good enough. Our best yesterday was good enough; our best today is plenty good too.

We can be who we are, and do it the way we do it – today. That is the essence of avoiding perfection.

God, help me let go of the messages that drive me into the crazies. I will give myself permission to be who I am and let that be good enough.

Combating Shame

Shame can hold us back, hold us down, and keep us staring at our feet.

– Beyond Codependency

Watch out for shame.

Many systems and people reek of shame. They are controlled by shame and may want us to play their game with them. They may be hoping to hook us and control us through shame.

We don’t have to fall into their shame. Instead, we’ll take the good feelings – self-acceptance, love, and nurturing.

Compulsive behaviors, sexually addictive behaviors, overeating, chemical abuse, and addictive gambling are shame-based behaviors. If we participate in them, we will feel ashamed. It’s inevitable. We need to watch out
for addictive and other compulsive behaviors because those will immerse us in shame.

Our past, and the brainwashing we may have had that imposed “original shame” upon us, may try to put shame on us. This can happen when we’re all alone, walking through the grocery store or just quietly going about living our life. Don’t think . . . Don’t feel . . . Don’t grow or change . . .Don’t be alive . . . Don’t live life . . . Be ashamed!

Be done with shame. Attack shame. Go to war with it. Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague.

Today, I will deliberately refuse to get caught up in the shame floating around in the world. If I cannot resist it, I will feel it, accept it, and then be done with it as quickly as possible. God, help me know that it’s
okay to love myself and help me to refuse to submit to shame. If I get off course, help me learn to change shame into guilt, correct the behavior, and move forward with my life in immediate self-love.

One could say that I had a happy childhood, although I showed little talent for being happy.
– Samuel Beckett

Lighten your load

If you are feeling tired and weary, perhaps now would be a good time to lighten your load. There are many burdens you can get rid of that you’ll easily be able to do without.

Start by abandoning all your resentments. Each resentment costs an enormous amount of time and energy, and provides absolutely nothing of value in return.

Next, you can walk away from your anxiety. All the anxiety in the world cannot add a single positive moment to your life.

Pick up the pace by letting go of the need to prove that you’re right. Instead, use the time and energy to more effectively listen and understand.

While you’re at it, go ahead and leave behind your envy, anger, impatience and frustration. After all, what have they ever done for you?

Dropping the burdensome negativity from your life is ridiculously easy once you realize how much it’s all holding you back. Lighten your load, and move quickly to where you truly wish to be.