Directness

So much of our communication can reflect our need to control. We say what we think others want to hear. We try to keep others from getting angry, feeling afraid, going away, or disliking us. But our need to control traps us into feeling like victims and martyrs.

Freedom is just a few words away. Those words are our truths. We can say what we need to say. We can gently, but assertively, speak our mind.

Let go of your need to control. We do not need to be judgmental, tactless, blaming, or cruel when we speak our truths. Neither do we need to hide our light. Let go, and freely be who you are.

Today, I will be honest with others, and myself knowing that if I don’t, my truth will come out some other way.

Wants and Needs

So many of us have been brainwashed to think that we can’t have what we want in life. That is the belief of the martyr. It is born of deprivation and fear.

Identifying what we want and need, then writing it down, sets in motion a powerful chain of events. It indicates that we are taking responsibility for ourselves, giving God and the Universe permission to supply our wants and needs.

The belief that we deserve to have a change in character, a relationship, a new dimension to an existing relationship, a possession, a certain level of health, living, loving, or success, is a powerful force in bringing that desire to pass.

Often, when we realize that we want something, that feeling is God preparing us to receive it!

Listen. Trust. Empower the good in your life by paying attention to what you want and need. Write it down. Affirm it mentally. Pray about it. Then, let it go. Give it to God, and see what happens.

The results may be better than you think.

Today, I will pay attention to what I want and need. I will take time to write it down, and then I will let it go. I will begin to believe I deserve the best.

disabled

Part of the problem with the world “disabilities” is that it immediately suggests and inability to see or hear or walk or do other things tht many of us take for granted. But what about people who can’t feel? Or talk about their feelings? Or manage their feelings in constructive ways? What of people who aren’t able to form close and strong relationships? And people who cannot find fulfillment in their lives, or those who have lost hope, who live in disappointment and bitterness and find in life no joy, no love? These, it seems to me, are the real disabilities.

-mr rogers

Word Power

I know I’m controlling, but so is my husband. Possibly more controlling than I am. Each time I set out to leave him, each time I started to walk away, he knew exactly what to say to pull me back in. And he knew I’d respond. He knew how to say exactly what I needed to hear to keep me where he wanted me. He knew what he was doing, and he knew what I would do. I know, because after we began recovering, he told me so.
–Anonymous

Some of us are so vulnerable to words. A well timed “I love you.” A chosen moment for “I’m sorry.” An excuse delivered in the right tone of voice. A pat on the head. A dozen roses. A kiss. A greeting card. A few words that promise love that has yet to be delivered can spin us into denial. Sometimes, it can keep us denying that we are being lied to, mistreated, or abused.

There are those who deliberately set out to sway us, to control and manipulate us through cheap talk! They know, they fully understand our vulnerability to a few well-timed words! Break through your naiveté. They
know what they’re doing. They understand their impact on us!

We do not have to give such power to words, even though the words may be just what we want and need to hear, even though they sound so good, even though the words seem to stop the pain.

Sooner or later, we will come to realize that if behavior doesn’t match a person’s words, we are allowing ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, and deceived. Sooner or later, we will come to realize that talk is cheap, unless the person’s behavior matches it.

We can come to demand congruency in the behavior and the words of those around us. We can learn to not be manipulated, or swayed, by cheap talk. We cannot control what others do, but we can choose our own behaviors and our own course of action. We do not have to let cheap, well-timed talk control us – even if the words we hear are exactly what we want to hear to stop our pain.

Today, I will let go of my vulnerability to words. God, help me trust myself to know the truth, even when I am being deceived. Help me cherish those relationships where there is congruity. Help me believe I deserve congruity and truth in the behavior and the words of those I care about.

powerless and unmanagable

So I’m learning what true powerlessness and loss of control over my life is today. I can feel it down to my bones. It’s happening to me right now. My auto-pilot came on and I’m becoming a robot. Old patterns don’t die just because I want them to. I want it to but I feel the urgency to continue old patterns. Don’t think for myself. Don’t question. Just go. Go.

Detach with love. Its easy to think about, hard to put in practice. The pull that people have over me still makes me angry. I want to tell them off. I want to yell and scream. GET A LIFE OF YOUR OWN! LEAVE ME ALONE! It’s not that I don’t want to be around them, but I want to get off of this auto pilot. I want the option of choice. Not from anyone else, but within me. Just because I’ve done things in the past doesn’t mean I have to do it today.

I was feeling very peaceful this morning. Very peaceful. Then just like an oven timer. DING! Auto pilot comes on. I get ansty and annoyed. My mind starts to race and my heart shuts down.

God gives us, gives me free will. He gives me the ability to walk my own way if I so desire. God hears our no and says OK. I wish you wouldn’t but its okay. I still love you and never will stop hoping you’ll say yes. People… definitely DON’T. Especially sick people. I definitely know who and what sick people do because I am one of them. Only a sick person would continiously do something for someone else that they don’t really don’t want to do. And I don’t even know what it is I WANT to do. That’s the saddest part.

Sigh. Surrender the feelings and the actions will come…

learning to say no

I’ve given up the truth to those I’ve tried to please… and now it’s my turn.
–Diana Ross (Michael Masser/Carole Bayer Sager)

Sacrificing our rights often results in other people mistreating us. We deny our own importance if we say yes when we mean no. Saying no doesn’t mean we reject the other person. It simply means we are refusing a request. Some of us become people pleasers and say yes to everyone and everything. We let other people, places, and things control our lives. We allow our personal freedom to be trampled on. We actually become numb to our own needs.

Learning to say no is an act of love and honesty. When we speak up and are true to our feelings, people know who we are and where we stand.

Today let me learn the healthy art of saying when it is in my best interest to say it.

Insisting on the Best

We deserve the best life and love has to offer, but we are each faced with the challenge of learning to identify what that means in our life. We must each come to grips with our own understanding of what we believe we deserve, what we want, and whether we are receiving it.

There is only one place to start, and that is right where we are, in our current circumstances. The place we begin is with us.

What hurts? What makes us angry? What are we whining and complaining about? Are we discounting how much a particular behavior is hurting us? Are we making excuses for the other person, telling ourselves we’re “too demanding”?

Are we reluctant, for a variety of reasons, especially fear, to tackle the issues in our relationships that may be hurting us? Do we know what’s hurting us and do we know that we have a right to stop our pain, if we want to do that?

We can begin the journey from deprived to deserving. We can start it today. We can also be patient and gentle with ourselves as we travel in important increments from believing we deserve second best, to knowing in our hearts that we deserve the best, and taking responsibility for that.

Today, I will pay attention to how I allow people to treat me, and how I feel about that. I will also watch how I treat others. I will not overreact by taking their issues too personally and too seriously; I will not under
react by denying that certain behaviors are inappropriate and not acceptable to me.

Directness

So much of our communication can reflect our need to control. We say what we think others want to hear. We try to keep others from getting angry, feeling afraid, going away, or disliking us. But our need to control traps us into feeling like victims and martyrs.

Freedom is just a few words away. Those words are our truths. We can say what we need to say. We can gently, but assertively, speak our mind.

Let go of your need to control. We do not need to be judgmental, tactless, blaming, or cruel when we speak our truths. Neither do we need to hide our light. Let go, and freely be who you are.

Today, I will be honest with others, and myself knowing that if I don’t, my truth will come out some other way.