Interesting concept flying through my head at the moment.
I went to the dentist for a cleaning last week, and I really shouldn’t have, but I checked up on the payment. (not my money, not my account). I let my irresponsible workaholic mother write a check to pay for it. Not surprisingly, at ALL, there isn’t enough money in the bank for it to clear. If there was a penny for every time she’s bounced a check, with or without my help, she’d be a freakin millionaire. She’s been in debt more times than she’s bounced checks. Thousands and thousands of dollars, shes always paying for everything, me, and planet earth, regardless of being able to afford it.
So the question I’m asking myself is why am I depending on undependable?!!?
It’s so normal for me that its weird I’m actually asking myself this question.
Seems like I’m always depending on the wrong people or wrong situations. I’m sitting here accusing my mother of being irresponsible, but HELLO how irresponsible am i!! I’m not a irresponsible workaholic (at the moment) although if I had a job (minimum wage is all i could get) I wouldn’t be responsible for myself. I’m hardly ever responsible for myself! Ever!
I’m also thousands in debt (thanks student loans) been to court for non payment for other bills. I’m so ashamed of myself for it. I feel disgusting about it. My moms “solution” is working more hours, and more school to get more money. Is more money a real solution?! Not really! The more money we seem to make the more we spend!
I’m emotionally completely irresponsible too. For the past couple years I’ve been going to online meetings, but i haven’t been in a while. In about 10 minutes there is going to be a remembrance ceremony type-thing for people who have lost people during the holidays, and I should be there. I should be sharing or opening up about myself in some form.. I randomly cried twice yesterday.. but I stop myself. I’m too busy worrying about bills, dishes, my ever-growing-fat-ass and the to-do list i can’t do. And being annoyed at emails where my mother writes me her endless worries, frustrations, money problems and her endless to do-list. Isn’t there more to life than this….?
