choices
Posted by: thruit on: June 2, 2008
- In: al-anon| co-dependency| recovery
- Comment!
We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see. We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life.
We may feel locked into behaviors such as caretaking or controlling.
Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency. When we hear ourselves say, I have to take care of this person . . . I have to say yes . . . I have to try to control that person . . . I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way . . . we can know we are choosing not to see choices.
That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others, or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.
Recovery is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else’s rules. More than anything else, recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the freedom to choose.
Today, I will open my thinking and myself to the choices available to me. I will make choices that are good for me.
2 Responses to "choices"
August 3, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Hi Bobbie, I know how you feel. My mother is a functioning alcoholic, and has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me my entire life and has never apologized for her behavior. I know how frustrating it is loving someone who seems to do nothing except be in a crappy mood and treat us like crap. I’m not an alcoholic but I have my own addiction, which of course on the other side of the fence I say “its alcoholc, its easy, you dont need it on a daily basis”, since rarely is alcohol on one of the “necessities” list, but I dont have that addiction. But my mom does, and its her security blanket, its her “rock” of sorts, without it her life would fall apart, that’s how powerful it is over her. To take away her security blanket is to take away everything. She’s not in AA, but I know how painful it is to live with an alcoholic, even if they are sober they are just as bad. The only solution to this is Al-Anon, work on yourself. I’m on my 3rd year, and its given me, me back. Well not back, but I’m reinventing myself, one free from feeling obligated to be crapped on all the time. Work on yourself, make your recovery #1 priority and you’ll get better. Promise.
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August 3, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I was raised in an alcoholic home and have married an alcoholic. He is in recovery for the second time and it has been 1.6 years. He has not made amends to me and is always rude and it a bad mood. He is not working and I am still his only financial support. He is looking for a job but not very diligently. We went to an AA convention and he said he didn’t enjoy it. I want to go to another one for our anniversary and he doesn’t want to so I will probably attend alone since it is for AA and Al-anon. We have one daughter and I am trying to keep this marriage and family together but I am really struggling and having a very hard time. I feel very depressed a lot of times and I don’t know what to do. I am trying to not be co-dependent and work my program to get these answers but i am really struggling. Any advice would be appreciated.